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February 16, 2021

MOTHERHOOD

Parenting: It’s a Lifting Game

Like everyone else this past summer during the pandemic, bored and frustrated at the lack of options to socialize, exercise and do just about anything resembling something normal, I took up the only hobby deemed “totally safe” by the CDC: Tennis. 

In fact, my entire family took up, or returned to, tennis. Except for the baby, although, truth be told, she spent many an afternoon at someone’s lesson running around picking up loose tennis balls and having the time of her life. #buythemnothing

Our summer included a lot of tennis, and a lot of parenting. No camp meant long days with all five kids (then aged 14-1) which also meant managing tantrums, attitudes, needs, wants and desires that ranged a 13 year age gap. It was intense. But everyone loved tennis. I was the last to get on board with it (my Uranus in Sagittarius in the 1st house makes me hesitate to be a follower in any regard) but I folded and eventually joined in. 

Our summer included a lot of parenting… which meant managing tantrums, attitudes, needs, wants and desires that ranged a 13 year age gap.

Surprisingly though, I quickly came to enjoy it, but for some reasons I really never expected.

My tennis coach constantly says, “Tennis is a lifting game: low to high, and follow through.”  

The insane amount of parenting advice I can take from that one tidbit of coaching, is incredible.

My tennis coach constantly says, “Tennis is a lifting game: low to high and follow through.” The insane amount of parenting advice I can take form that one tidbit of coaching, is incredible.

I’ve read my fair share of parenting books: Last Child in the Woods, Negotiation Generation, Nurture Shock, No Drama Discipline, Happiest Baby on the Block, The Whole Brain Child, Bringing Up Bebe… Well, a LOT of books. All of them, in one way or another, try to answer the trickiest question that every new parent asks of every veteran parent they know: “What’s the hardest part about parenting and how do I circumvent it?”

As if.

But earnestly, these books address and try to solve, the most common themes parents struggle with: lack of sleep, loss of self, sacrifice, not knowing the answers, balance of technology and nature, fear of making a mistake, and so on.

My husband and I together are just now 15 years into the parenting experience, and if you asked us, our answer would be the same thing my tennis coach reminds me over and over on the court: lifting low to high, and following through.

I’ve read my fair share of parenting books… [they all try] to address and solve the most common themes parents struggle with: lack of sleep, loss of self, sacrifice, not knowing the answers, balance of technology, and so on.

Parenting is a lifting game. You are constantly fielding things you’re not ready for, trying to gauge how fast they’re coming at you, how to respond and react in the moment, getting in underneath them before it’s too late and you’ve missed the opportunity, meeting them at just the right angle and sending them back into the world up and over the net, not smashed down into the ground or tangled up in a confusion of cord.

And how do you do that? You connect on their level (compassion and empathy), you raise them up (support, resource and guidance) and you follow through (creating and enforcing boundaries). 

My husband and I together are just now 15 year into the parenting experience, and if you asked us, our answer would be the same thing my tennis coach reminds me over and over on the court: lifting low to high, and following through.

Simple, right? Well… here’s the thing:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again and again and again: it is *always* easier to be a lazy parent. And the hardest part, like I said, is following through. And following through means sticking to your boundaries. Enforcing your values and holding your standards.

How do you do that? You connect on their level (compassion and empathy), you raise them up (support, resource and guidance) and you follow through (creating and enforcing boundaries).

It’s always easier to go back on your boundaries. To not be consistent and let them “have their way.”  To see them feeling frustrated or upset and not fully engage. To not actually leave the birthday party because they’re being disrespectful and unkind, even though you said you were going to (maybe more than once). It’s always easier to not enforce boundaries, or heck, maybe not even set them… but it can blow your game in the long run (we have a teen and a pre-teen, trust me). Plus, it’s a bad habit. 

Whether it’s sleep training, potty training, behavior modification, working on sibling dynamics, manners, hygiene, respect, independence, responsibility-building or organizational skills, without the follow through, you won’t see much of a change without that persistence. Even if you can meet them where they’re at (compassion and connection) and lift them up (support, resource and guidance) you won’t get far without that follow through; just like in tennis, you can do it all right and if you miss that last part, you’re way off course.

Follow through comes from knowing limits and teaching them to your children. It’s not about punishment or consequence really; it’s about connection, compassion and understanding when it’s time to reign it in.

Follow through comes from knowing limits and teaching them to your children. It’s not about punishment or consequence really; it’s about connection, compassion and understanding when it’s time to reign it in.

One of the biggest shifts I saw as a parent was to acknowledge my children’s outbursts or meltdowns as a signal they were sending to me that they were overwhelmed and couldn’t identify their own limits, and needed me to give them those boundaries… to bring them into a place of control and safety. Even if they would struggle against that safety and control the whole way, it’s what they need and what they’re asking for.

Parenting feels hard, because it is hard. It has moments of glory, moments of pure beauty, but it’s mostly a challenge, especially during the younger years. But that’s why it is so worth the effort; because there is direct correlation.

All of our kids are immensely different. And while I think we have always been pretty good about meeting them at their level, finding ways to encourage, inspire or motivate them as need be, with each of them, the hardest part of parenting them has been following through. Sticking to and enforcing our boundaries. Because it hurts, because it’s hard. Because in the moment, it feels uncomfortable, perhaps unnatural. But it makes all the difference.

Parenting feels hard because it is hard. It has moments of glory, moments of pure beauty, but it’s mostly a challenge, especially in the younger years. But that’s why it is so worth the effort; because there is direct correlation.

It is *always* easier to be the lazy parent. So every time you follow through, know you are choosing to do the hard work and showing up for your children in the best way you possibly can.

How do you find setting and enforcing boundaries for your kids? I’d love to hear what works for you!

xo

Rebecca

 

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Hello there moms & dads

Hello there moms & dads

Welcome

My name is Rebecca Baretz and I am a wife, mom to 4, stepmom to 1, astrologer and licensed yoga instructor.

Astrology has given me an amazing baseline to understand myself and my children in a way that allows me to meet them, and myself, exactly where we’re at on this journey.

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✨So many new faces!!✨ I wanted to take a minu ✨So many new faces!!✨

I wanted to take a minute to say Heya and I’m SO happy you’re here!💕

I’m Rebecca - a Libra ☀️Aries🌛and Scorpio 👆🏻

Do we have any astrology twins out there!? Share your Sun ☀️ Moon 🌛 and Rising 👆🏻 below and see if you can find your twin! 🥰 

I know there are some close ones but is anyone TRULY mine!? 😉

✨I’m an astrologer, mama to four, stepmom to one, wife, certified yoga instructor, kirtan enthusiast, lover of country music, jewelry addict, and am currently down the rabbit hole of holistic face care (gua sha and facial cupping anyone!? If so follow @britta_beauty - she’ll blow your mind!)😜

💫I created this space to share my love and knowledge of astrology, my insights on parenting kids spanning a 13 year age gap (our oldest is 15, youngest is 2!) and to make some of the hooey-gooey-ness of astrology and spirituality more accessible and practical for every day.☺️👍🏻

✨Thrilled to have you beautiful souls here - I hope I can encourage you to see yourselves as you are: divinely timed, essentially equipped and fully capable of rocking the hell out of this human experience we’re so fortunate to have! 🙌🏻✨💕

Don’t forget to drop your ☀️🌛👆🏻 and see if you can find your 💫👯‍♀️!

#astrology #astrologersofig #astrologersofinstagram #astrologers #motherhood #mama #mamaastrologer #mama #parenthood #astrologydecoded 

📷 @pureleephotography
✨Sun squares Mars today✨ INTENSE energy!!! Bu ✨Sun squares Mars today✨

INTENSE energy!!! Burn it out folks 🔥🔥🔥

May I suggest exercise, dancing, maybe screaming into a pillow!? 😂🤬

This energy is quick, but can lead to irritability, frustration and a short temper. The best way around it, is to recognize where it’s coming from, and channel it so it doesn’t wind up coming out at an inopportune time. 😳

Be patient with yourself and others today - we’re all operating on a slightly shorter fuse than usual. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

This is an ego-centric transit, so any practices you can employ to put the ego in the seat of the observer and work from a place of non-judgement will be helpful. Try to transcend and take the high road when you can today. If you can’t, 🤷🏻‍♀️ be forgiving. ✨

#astrology #astrologersofinstagram #astrologersofig #sunsqauremars #mars #energy #channelit #bigenergyfeels
✨Today is Imbolc - the halfway point between Win ✨Today is Imbolc - the halfway point between Winter Solstice and Spring Solstice.✨

Symbolically, this midway point is a time-marker⏳; a point at which the days get brighter and we can feel the beginning of Spring coming (or,
at least, that’s the idea... we just got a foot of snow ❄️ where I am!😂)

I feel Imbolc as a more inner, cyclical experience, that signals our bodies to rise into a different expression of activity.💫

Many focus on the goddess Brighid, and her many aspects as a deity of fire, home, hearth and fertility.

🔥 focused breathing, baking, cooking, intuitive movement and womb work are especially welcomed during this transition.💕

✨There are beautiful rituals for Imbolc (I prefer the 7 candle Candlemas ritual - this can be found easily online.) I keep it simple and use tea lights:

🕯🕯🕯🕯several candles can be assigned to represent bringing and keeping the light that emerges as winter finally comes to an end. 
🕯Another can represent the purifying warmth of the hearth.
🕯Another can be symbolic of the barrier between the positive and negative in your life; a boundary of sorts between our world and the next. 
🕯Another stands in for the magic of wisdom and inspiration, and for the light that comes into our lives when we experience love.❤️

After lighting I write my spring intentions by their light. ✍🏼

You can also set up a spring altar including stones, plants and renewed intentions for the season.🌱🌸

You can include your kids with the Candlemas, or in making a crown for Brighid, which you can use as a wreath.🍃🌸

Or you can make a beeswax candle imbued with your spring intentions (recipe for this is on the blog!)✨

Whether you mark the occasion or not, wishing you a beautiful Imbolc 💐🌾🌸 I’ll do a Tarot spread later to mark the occasion ☺️

#imbolc #springiscoming #imbolcblessings #time #astrology #astrologersofinstagram #astrologersofig
✨It’s February and Venus is on the move! Tomor ✨It’s February and Venus is on the move! Tomorrow she slides on into the ever-crowded Aquarius ♒️ bringing an intellectual, eccentric and quirky breath of fresh air to the planet of love and beauty!✨

Venus in Aquarius is tender, offering us a new way to look at love, being loved, what we consider beautiful and even how we relate to our finances. 💕

Be careful not to over-analyze in this compartmentalized sign, where the emotions can often be separated or detached and over-thought.💭🤔

It is a time to express yourself completely and freely to those you love, and to jump in to any creative endeavors you might have considered too offbeat or out-of-the-box before now (even when it comes to your finances - more on that in another post!)🌟

As for how we may be wanting to connect with those we love? More cerebrally 🤓 - intellectual connection will feel valuable, exciting and intimate. 💕 Out-there topics will most likely be on the table!😆

You may find yourself seeking new, unique experiences, perhaps with your partner, or with friends - SO hard in COVID times, BUT there are safe ways to find novel experiences in this environment.✨

May I suggest @the_skindeep if you’re looking for a TRULY Venusian-Aquarian COVID Isolation Valentine’s Day activity. 😂

It hits all the spots 💕✨😉

#valentinesdayastrology #venusinaquarius♒ #venusinaquarius #venus #aquarius #aquariusseason #valentines2021 #valentinescovidstyle #theskindeep
✨We’re gearing up for a snow storm in our neck ✨We’re gearing up for a snow storm in our neck of the woods, and all it makes me dream of is skiing ⛷ 🎿 😂✨

It’s been a while since we’ve been on the slopes; COVID has dashed our dreams since last spring - looks like it will continue to be the case. But we can dream! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤪

While some things feel stagnant, there are so many other things shifting, adjusting and opening...🤲🏻

Venus, our planet of LOVE 💕is busy and on the move in the weeks ahead of Valentine’s Day.

I’ll give more information on each dynamic as we cross the days, but here’s an overview. Expect affects around the who, how and what you love and the way you express and communicate affection.❤️

🌟 Feb 1 - Venus enters Aquarius and Sun squares Mars

🌟Feb 6 - Venus conjuncts Saturn and Squares Uranus

🌟 Feb 8 - Venus conjuncts Mercury 

Love is in the air, and we’ll have opportunities to evaluate the way we’re interacting with our loves, family, communities and passion. 💕

I’ll be posting the last elemental Venus placement (in water 🌊) - if you haven’t been following, check in on Astro.com and look for your elemental breakdown to see which element your Venus falls under to get a general sense of how you express this placement. (Directions save in highlights under Elements!)✨

#venus #valentinesday #astrology #astrologersofinstagram #astrologersoninstagram #venusinaquarius #venusintheelements
✨Venus in Fire 🔥 ✨ Signs: Aries, Leo, Sagi ✨Venus in Fire 🔥 ✨

Signs: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius 
Houses: 1st, 5th, 9th

Venus in 🔥 folks have a lot of passion! They know what they want - that’s for sure! While Venus is not exalted in the Fire signs, I find that folks with these placements love wildly and with abandon and have some of the most passionate (but maybe not well-thought-out) romances ever!😍 

But when it comes to being swept off your feet, since when does planning sound romantic!? 🤣

Venus in 🔥 love openly, inclusively and demonstrably - never afraid to express their feelings or affection... or to end things if they feel like it’s not what they need. ❤️💔

To make a Venus in 🔥 person feel safe, loved and appreciated, be sure to value their outward gestures - their openness is a large part of their expression. Most need some freedom too, and validation in one form or another.🌟

Venus in 🔥 never minds getting into a tussle now and then; conflict is an opportunity to come closer, create friction and well... make up!🤣

Venus in Aries ♈️ (and in the 1st house) may be a little immature and self focused (perhaps not the best planners or the most romantic overall) but they’ll always be up for adventures and sharing experiences - they’re up for all things new and exciting. Plus, they’re fiercely loyal and protective over those who have their heart. ❤️ 

Fire in Leo ♌️ (or the 5th house) carry a playful energy and like to be adored, taken care of and given attention in *all* the ways (and given gifts 🎁 of course!) But they’ll give the same way in return; you’ll never find a better gift giver than a Venus in Leo - they are incredibly thoughtful and generous. Loyal and protective too!🦁

They say a Venus in Sagittarius ♐️ might be hard to pin down 🤷🏻‍♀️😳 but their need for adventure and freedom is oftentimes the *perfect* pairing for someone who is also independent, secure and wants new (shared) experiences. Expect travel and trying new things to be a part of spending time with a Venus in Sag. ✈️🛳🚆

Venus in 🔥 in an exciting way to experience another person.

PLEASE remember this is only ONE placement of many and doesn’t determine entirely how good of a partner or match someone will be!😉
✨Saturdays are for tea parties! Or in my case, c ✨Saturdays are for tea parties! Or in my case, coffee ... lots of coffee! Are coffee parties a thing? If not, can we make it one!?😆☕️🥳✨

Happy weekend everyone - hope you’re all enjoying some family/rest/self-care time.💕

The moon is in Virgo... and Virgo is ruled by Mercury, which just went retrograde.😳

I started the day feeling restless, like I should be cleaning, organizing while at the same time like I couldn’t seem to get anything done... 😫 

SO I made the decision to let it go and just be.🙏🏻

I brought myself into my body, the moment - grounding into the earthiness of the placement and decided not be so hard on myself. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The headache I was having wasn’t any fun either!🤣

How are you all feeling today!? Drop a note 👇🏼

✨✨✨

#lunar #lunarcycle #virgomoon #mercuryretrograde #mercuryretrograde2021 #virgomoon♍️ #astrology #astrologersofinstagram
✨Hold on to your booties, folks! Mercury goes Rx ✨Hold on to your booties, folks! Mercury goes Rx tomorrow!! 😳 and the pre-shadow has been a litttle bumpy for some already!✨

Mercury is in Aquarius for this, the first of 3 rounds in 2021... ugh, doesn’t it feel like Mercury was *just* Rx!?🤪

In this fixed sign it’s going to be an easier ride than in some of the other signs (Mercury loves an air sign!) ♒️

We may feel emboldened to speak out in a more unique way, or express/communicate artistically in a more forward-thinking way... this is the sign of futuristic endeavors, and this may bring some of these processes to the surface.🙌🏻

There will be a collective vibe, so we may find ourselves revisiting, revising and reviewing things that fall into the humanitarian, altruistic and social/common cause realm.🤝

🌟Are we surrounding ourselves with the right kinds of people?

🌟Are we standing up for and advocating for the right causes?

Social, racial, economic and political endeavors that address the greater good will likely come to the forefront during Mercury’s Rx and give us an opportunity to see how we’ve progressed and how we’ve stalled, and maybe, with the forward-thinking of this sign, how we can adjust. 🤔

Social communication with a broad and diverse group of people is theoretically tailor-made for this period of time, and socially distanced technology is key - so as long as we’re double checking our internet connections and making sure our batteries are charged and being extra careful about logging off before we add our 2 cents about the boss’s presentation 😳😬 we should do just fine!🤣

I mean, with all the tech and its involvement with our socialization, this retrograde in ♒️ could be the ultimate test of how truly dedicated we are to maintaining our distanced relationships!

Mercury will form some positive aspects during its Rx.

End of the 1st week in Feb the ☀️ and Mercury will join up giving us a boost in our mental energy, clarity and confidence!

Mercury and Venus will align the day before Valentine’s Day connecting our minds with our hearts, you could say!💕 

ON Valentine’s Day Jupiter and Mercury will team up to give an expansive and optimistic overlay to our thoughts!💭
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